What You Goggles Say About You!

 What your goggles say about you….

By Mike Gustafson, Swimnetwork.com

Red Swedes: You’re a killer (or possibly a sprinter). You descended from the gods of Mars and War. Your only desire is to see everything – your competitors, your pool, your parents, your peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich -- in some shade of blood red. (That’s messed up, man.) But you don’t care. Red has been a symbol of sacrifice and courage. Chances are that you’re a passionate fighter, you prefer full-fledged sugar beverages to diet, and you are “that guy” sneaking onto the platform diving board to jump into the pool during bathroom breaks. You love to step up to the block and get psyched-up for get-out swims. You swim for the moment. MOST LIKE YOU:  Michael Phelps.

Blue Swedes: You are Zen. You are one with the water. You embody relaxation and calmness. You’re the type of swimmer that needs a long warm-up. You get into a long set, find your internal rhythm, and set sail. You tend to swim with your eyes half-closed. That’s how Zen you are. You are also kind of a wuss. But that’s okay. Because you have the right mind-set: Zen-like swimmers are the ones most likely to enjoy the sport. MOST LIKE YOU: The Cal-Bear Swim Team.

Metallic Swedes: You’re a rock-star. Win or lose, you look good doing it. You bring some of the killer-mentality to the sport and you appreciate the fact no one can see your eyes. Still, you’re the Jack Nicholson of the sport. You wear sunglasses inside. You are not afraid to drop $20 to get that tinted look for an otherwise $3.50 pair of goggles. MOST LIKE YOU: Gary Hall, Jr.

TYR Socket Rocket: You’re all about comfort. You want to appear as though you are wearing Swedes, but you prefer not to permanently alter your bone structure. You want the soft rubber against your skin. You are sensitive in nature, and oftentimes enjoy long walks on secluded beaches (as long as it’s not too windy to disturb your sensitive skin). You are a quality-over-quantity type of person, and you value happiness as opposed to those suckers gouging out their eyeballs wearing Swedes.  MOST LIKE YOU: Matt Grevers.

Speedo Hydrospex: You’re a minimalist. You don’t want to “deal” with nose pieces and you definitely don’t want to “admit” that your eyes may or may not be further apart than normal people. You’re a one-size-fit-all enthusiast. You while some people might argue that Swedish goggles embody the “minimalist” approach to swimming, they’re wrong. This one-piece construction by Speedo offers a no-frills approach to goggles. Doesn’t matter the size of your nose. Doesn’t matter if your eyes are closer or further apart than normal humans. You’ll wear these goggles, damn it! MOST LIKE YOU: Any 5-year-old in swim lessons.

Blue Seventy Hydra-Vision Mirrors: You want to be playing professional baseball. You love the 1980s appearance and most Will Ferrell characters. These goggles give you the appearance that you’ve craved, and though you’re far from the outfield, you can at least embody the spirit of a sporting enthusiast. You probably enjoy Nickelback. MOST LIKE YOU: Any Masters Swimmer.

Speedo Sprint Swim Goggles: You were born a long time ago. You do not like change. You do not like to spend money. You bought your pair of goggles before television went Technicolor, and you think they’re just fine, thank you for asking! Sure, because of the foam, they leak time-to-time, but you’re certainly not going to spend $5 on another pair. MOST LIKE YOU: Dara Torres.

Aqua Sphere Seal XP: You are continuously lost, dazed, and confused. You wear a snowsuit in the summer and shorts in the winter. While you view yourself as very “prepared” for “anything that could happen,” you look absolutely ridiculous and other lap swimmers laugh at you behind your back. Get new goggles or go deep sea diving. MOST LIKE YOU: Confused Deep Sea Divers

No Goggles: If you swim fast, you are the coolest person alive. You are a reincarnate of Frederik Deburghgraeve or Pablo Morales. You actively choose to not wear goggles. You are one with the water. You are so connected to the element, that you feel comfortable exposing the most vulnerable part of your body to it. You trust the water. You trust the element. And you trust that no ominous floating hairball will slam into your face during a sprint butterfly race. However, if you swim slow, you look ridiculous. Buy goggles. MOST LIKE YOU: Anyone before 1976.